About a month ago, I became intrigued and inspired by an idea I had heard much about, but had relatively little knowledge about. There is a workshop conducted by one of the smartest person I will ever come across in life, Nirav Shah. I’ve never seen it, but I’ve heard so much about it that I may as well have.
The premise is that scientists have routinely stated it takes 21 days to form a habit. The next notion is that in life, we complain too much. So, for 21 days, I was going to attempt to live complaint free.
Prior to this, I complained about everything. My academic workload, the service at various restaurants I eat at, the weather among countless other things. To create change, we much realize our faults and moreso, realize why our faults are actually faults. Why do we complain? Over the last 21 days I’ve taken notes on many situations that have happened and here is a brief analysis and thought process on complaining – and how we can change our thought process from negative to positive (but there’s a step in between!). When “don’t complain” is going off in your head over and over again, all you notice is other people complaining and the energy being wasted doing so.
The first story comes from a buddy of mine. I will omit names. At the start of the semester, a professor assigned us a 7 page, single spaced paper in 12 pt font. So my buddy gets on Facebook chat and starts chatting me. The entire chat is him, complaining to me about the paper. I think many of you see where this is going. I didn’t respond beyond the occasional “ok” while he was ranting. Then, I took his chat, opened up Microsoft Word, cut and pasted his chat into Word. The end result was about half a page of text. That same effort spent on complaining could have yielded half a page of writing to his paper! Instead of doing, he was complaining. When we complain, we don’t do.
During this 21 days, I heard people complain about everything from the weather, the difficulty of a recent test, hunger, a lack of sleep they got. The theme along all of these is that either they could have been solved (studying more for the test, eating before class, sleeping earlier) or they simply can’t be solved (the weather). In either case, there’s no need to complain about the things you can solve or you can’t solve. We need to be more proactive!
A phenomenal point I drew from Nirav’s presentation is the notion that complaining leads to stress which leads to poor health. The poor health ultimately leads back to more complaining! Similarly, through my own experience attempting to live complaint free, I learned often times complaining is sort of a backwards process. Follow me here while I guide you through this theory…
It’s hot outside. So we get angry/upset because the weather is not favorable. Then, we develop this sense of negativity. Lastly, we verbally say how hot it is outside. We go from anger–>upset–>negativity–>complaining. Living a complaint free life can and should be viewed as an exercise in not getting angry or upset.
Before venturing off into your own experiment of living 21 complaint free days (and hopefully thereafter a lifetime of them), realize that the exercise is more than just living sans complaints. It’s an exercise in draining negativity and ration whether it’s worth complaining and wasting time in doing so. It’s an exercise in realizing what “pushes your buttons”, not getting upset when those buttons are pushed, and dealing with them in a manner that is positive. I’d say nearly everything I get upset or angry over isn’t worth it in the grand scope of things.
Making the transition from living a complaint free life to finding the silver lining in situations (the thought process from negative to neutral to positive) is one that may take longer than 21 days. I’ve come to learn that it’s relatively easy to switch all of the negative thoughts into neutral ones (just simply not complaining by way of not speaking). But to take something as simple and uncomfortable about the weather being hot outside and turning into a positive thought (having the foresight to realize in the winter time you’ll be missing the summer sun) is a transition that can take anywhere from one day to a lifetime. But the positive thought process is where I’m trying to go. Complain less, live more.
*Note, I didn’t actually live 21 days complaint free. Prior to complaining, I caught myself nearly every time and surely a couple times a complaint slipped out when I wasn’t being cognizant. However, I did a pretty damn good job and will be continuing this for as long as I can. My friends have noticed a significant improvement and so have I.*
I hope this was slightly enlightening and maybe you’ll even be inspired enough to go about this on your own. Cheers!
-paras
One Comment
I’m very proud of you, your thoughts & actions.I was wondering why is my son calling more often.Your tolerence is admirable. I have a lot to learn from you.I will try from today for 21days of no complaining.Let’s see what happens.See you soon in Austin.
Alka.